Does your horse respect you?
In today's fast-paced and competitive industry landscape, the word of "respect" often gets a bad wrap. It's a word that gets thrown around a lot, but what does it truly mean in the context of training horses? Join us on a journey as we unravel the layers of this complex concept and shed light on how we use it in training.
First and foremost, let's address the elephant in the room: the misconception that respect is synonymous with dominance and power over others.
This misguided belief has seeped into our equestrian culture, leading many to equate respect with authority and control. But here's the thing – there is a difference between respect that has been coerced or demanded for fear of consequences and respect earnt through genuine actions and intentions.
So, where does respect truly stem from? At its core, respect is rooted in empathy and understanding.
One of the most frequent questions we get is how do I get my horse to “xyz”? How can I control my horse? How can I make my horse be calm? And in these simple questions, the art of working with horses is lost.
We cannot make our horse do anything and the more we try the more they resist. The question to ask is “how do I support my horse to overcome this challenge?” The empathy we have for our horses' experience are the tools we have to support our horses to achieve the task at hand. Acknowledging that this can feel hard or feel stressful without feeling bad or sorry for the experience so that we can support them with kindness and compassion through the challenge develops their resilience and their trust and confidence in us.
““Respect should never be based on fear – it should be a product of mutual trust and confidence.”
”
When respect is confused with “because I say so”, fear of consequences and retribution at best we have horses that are shut down and big dangerous behaviours come out of seemingly nowhere because we’ve blown through their threshold and not developed their psychological safety to say “I’m not ok”. At worst we develop horses that are dangerously fearful or aggressive. It may be thought that asserting your authority is what is required to be a leader worth following. However, the Compassionate Leader that knows how to develop psychological safety, trust and confidence in their ability to lead sees the horses seeking direction when unsure. That is why compassionate leadership is the second module within our Holistic Horse Handling Program. How you lead intimately affects how your horse follows. Respect should never be based on fear – it should be a product of mutual trust and confidence.
It took me a lot of personality development supportive people in my life to understand what working as a team looks like. The demand for personal achievement laid upon the horse does not path the way for a team effort. How we show up for our horse during times they feel unsafe, uncomfortable or unsure can make or break a relationship. A good school horse knows how to look after a beginner to intermediate rider but when it comes time to stretch their or our comfort zone their anxiety can trip them over into flight or they may flat out refuse. Actively listening to their concerns, valuing their input, and empowering them to voice their opinions without fear of retribution is the psychological safety a compassionate leader can offer to their horse.
That means we have to be ok with them saying no so that that language can evolve to no because:
I’m in pain
I’m unsure
I’m uncomfortable
I don’t understand
I can’t do this today
I don’t have confidence in what you are saying
This allows us to adapt the ask to develop the felt sense of safety and psychological safety for the horse without fear of creating dangerous or naughty horses. If anything it makes them safer.
While some horse handlers, trainers and coaches may be saying to “push your horse through it”, “make them do it”, “allowing resistance creates naught, dangerous horses” what they are really saying is lead so that your horse wants to follow. They just don’t know the language. Compassionate leadership and psychological safety are their own journey and art form.
I will add one caveat. What you release for you reinforce. So for example if you ask your horse to walk on off halter pressure and they rear, you get a fright and release the halter pressure you likely have just taught your horse to rear off halter pressure. We delve into the subtleties and intricacies of this exchange in our Holistic Horse Handling Program.
Ultimately, respect is not just a buzzword – it's a fundamental principle that should guide our interactions and relationships with our horses. However it is our own perception of respect that has been conditioned through our lives experiences that reflects how we show up for our horse as a compassionate leader that can develop psychological safety in training.
Interested to know more about compassionate leadership and psychological safety in horse training? Check out our free masterclass: https://www.equestrianmovement.com/sayyes
Alternatively, if you are ready to start your journey as a Compassionate Leader, the Holistic Horse Handling Program is open for enrolments now!