Is willingness really the best when it comes to horses?

Hear me out, before you jump on one side of the fence or the other. When your horse follows your ask, it is labeled as willingness, right?

But what if the horse is only “willingly” following the request with its body, and not actually happy with the ask? Would you still call that willingness?

When I was younger, I used to just follow whatever my instructor told me to do, even if it didn't sit right internally. Do you think that I was willingly doing that? Or would you think that I was submitting to someone that I saw having some level of power over me. More importantly, how do you think that felt, the constant feeling of being wrong but being told I'm wrong?

When we are asking for something from our horse and they follow, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are actually willing. This term of willingness has been so often confused with actual submission that the lines are now blurry.

Going back to my old riding coach, it sure as heck wasn’t long before I began resenting those exercises, even though I did it as told. Right up to the day I begged her for a better way, and left when it wasn't offered.. How do you think a horse would tell us they need us to be better, to think differently? It's all those "nasty" or "scary" behaviours we label as naughty.

The word willingness has been used to mask submission for such a long time, that we have lost sight of what the word really means.

I’m going to introduce to you a new term now: CONGRUENCE.

Congruence is the alignment of internal and external state, of the physical response matching the emotional and mental engagement. Positive Congruence is when a horse shouts HECK YES off the rooftop (metaphorically speaking). This is what we should be striving for in most of our interactions with our horse, and why the four pillars of relaxation, compassionate leadership, communication and emotional agility inside the Holistic Horse Handling Methodology are so important – that absolute moment of congruence.

So before you label your horse as willing, have a deeper look. Is your horse congruent and eager? Or is your horse showing signs of incongruence and submission?