The social engagement system only comes online when you're relaxed and feel safe. 

When you're stressed, tense, anxious or in general have an agitated nervous system it's hard to have conversations that go well. Conversations generally escalate to conflict and that conflict looks like your default self protection mechanism, whether that be shutting down and internalising, people pleasing, getting angry and firing up or refusing to cooperate.

This is what happens with our horses when we look to submission based power over tools in training. Their nervous system responds, I feel threatened, I am threatened and their behavioural response looks like their default personality for how they deal with threat. 

What most Conflicted Equestrians don't know is that this is not your horse.

This is a version of your horse that doesn't feel safe with you. By creating an environment where your horse feels safe in relationship to you, enjoys learning and feels good in their body we get to see that version of our horses.

The aggressive horse is a great protector and not easily scared. It will defend and protect what it loves. They loooooove task achievement. They are living for that dopamine and are super treat orientated. They are all about a fair exchange rate and prefer bartering in treats than love. They dont particularly like to be touched or have others in their bubble and if they let you in they really, really.... really!!! Like you. They need rest breaks in learning to figure things out and get agitated and can lash out if they think they got it right but we say they didn't. When they do know the answer they prefer to not drill movements but to move frequently into new exercises that feel good in their body.

The stubborn horse that refuses to move can be very soft and caring, has a nurturing nature and a gentle soul. Learning is hard and it takes a lot of practice and repetition to get something but once they've got it it's locked in. They refuse to move if it's not a full body yes and doesn't feel good in their body. They prefer to do a couple of repetitions and then have a good break before trying again. They are the safest of the horses often choosing stop and refusing to move over bolting, rearing or bucking. Once they get to that point you have missed some really important signs and are either in a lot of pain or feel really unsafe. 

The horse that gets hot, anxious and people pleases can be a lot of fun and has an adventurous, explorative, playful nature. They are quick to get performance anxiety in training and give anticipatory behaviours but are also super quick to learn, needing constant praise and reassurance. They only need to do it once or twice before they get it. They hate repeating things. To hold their focus you need to think outside the box and figure out how to make practising the exercise more of a puzzle that engages their brain otherwise they will run around spooking at everything for funzies.

The horse that internalises and shuts down is super loyal to a fault and at the expense of their body. They will stretch further and try harder than anyone else. This horse is good at everything. They are the great all-rounder and don't really struggle with any exercise you present them with. They enjoy going fast and jumping high but will also enjoy solving a puzzle or task, going on adventures, moonlit walks on the beach and a candlelit dinner. They start out strong but you need to commit to appreciating them significantly because they will lose interest in efforting and participating in work when we don't show appreciation for them and their work.

Which horse sounds most like yours?